The Portrait of a Mirror by A. Natasha Joukovsky

Author:A. Natasha Joukovsky
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Abrams
Published: 2021-06-01T00:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER XVI.

SELECT TELEPHONE ACTIVITY (TRANSCRIBED, CHRONOLOGICAL), OFFICE OF C. WESLEY RANGE IV, CEO, ECCO LLC (TIME WARNER CABLE, WIRELINE NUMBERS 212-XXX-XXXX, EXT. 2233 & 2234), FRIDAY, JUNE 26, 2015.

[9:05 AM INCOMING CALL FROM: PAPPAS-FIDICIA, JULIAN (INTERNAL EXTENSION 2235), 3 minutes]

RANGE:--ot it, Cassie. Hello, Julian.

PAPPAS-FIDICIA: Oh, shit, why did you answer?

RANGE: This may shock you, but . . . because you called me?

PAPPAS-FIDICIA: Well, this is awkward. You’ve entirely thwarted my prank call.

RANGE: By all means, please proceed. Far be it from me to ruin your fun at my expense.

PAPPAS-FIDICIA: Too late, you’ve already ruined it.

RANGE: Have it your way, that foiled look on your face is satisfying enough. You look like some maniacal cartoon villain.

PAPPAS-FIDICIA: Goddamn it! I hate these fucking glass offices. They make me never want to see you again. What are you doing this weekend?

RANGE: Stuck in the city for some horrible wedding. One of Diana’s friends. I’m not going to know anyone. And Diana’s a bridesmaid, so I’m sure to be promptly abandoned.

PAPPAS-FIDICIA: Just download an e-book to your phone. Have you read Brideshead Revisited yet? Actually, don’t tell me. You’ve already ignored that particular recommendation an embarrassing number of times, so I don’t want to know. Where is the wedding? Not in Brooklyn or anything, I hope.

RANGE: Actually yes. The Brooklyn Botanical Garden, I think.

PAPPAS-FIDICIA: Oh, no! Not that den of iniquity! Well prepare yourself: it is sure to involve multiple fire hazards and unsatisfying food. This is assuming massaged baby kale and vegan cake count as food at all. Take care to avoid any sort of “signature cocktail.” It’s like they are programmed to give you the runs. Come to think of it, I would stay away from anything served in a mason jar. Don’t go near the sparklers either. Some drunk person angling for a photo is liable to whack you with one. And be careful getting home! I’m exceedingly wary of Prospect Park. Its primary prospect, as far as I’m concerned, is murder in the first degree.

RANGE: You’re being ridiculous. It’s no more dangerous than Central Park is.

PAPPAS-FIDICIA: I’m not advocating a wedding in Central Park, either. Taking a few photos there would be okay, I guess. But what exactly is wrong with the Yale Club?

RANGE: Why are you so prejudiced against Brooklyn?

PAPPAS-FIDICIA: Oh, I’ve got all kinds of prejudices, don’t worry. Is there some Bed-Stuy brunch on Sunday featuring a band you’ve never heard of and bottomless kombucha? Or do you and Diana want to go to Café Croix with me?

RANGE: We should be good for Sunday.

PAPPAS-FIDICIA: I’ll confirm with your wife--

RANGE: That’s very kind of you.

PAPPAS-FIDICIA: --for her sake, I want to be clear.

RANGE: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

PAPPAS-FIDICIA: Okay, well ta-ta.

RANGE: Later.

[9:07 AM INCOMING CALL FROM: PAPPAS-FIDICIA, JULIAN (INTERNAL EXTENSION 2235), 2 minutes]

RANGE: Yes?

PAPPAS-FIDICIA: Don’t you want to know what I’m doing this weekend?

RANGE: Not especially.

PAPPAS-FIDICIA: Dick. Just for that, you’re getting the detailed version. I have a lengthy personal to-do list. First priority is Taco Bell. I have been dreaming of a Cheesy Gordita Crunch all week.

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